Not all Protestors are Created Equal: Meet the Good and Bad Actors

Understanding the difference between those seeking to end the violence against Black Americans by law enforcement and those that just want to see things go ‘boom.’

By David Icke Turner

Art by Teddy Kingpin

Protests have spread to more than 30 cities in the wake of the brutal killing of George Floyd by Minneapolis PD. Despite what you may see on your screen, the gatherings have ranged from candlelight vigils to peaceful marches to outright riots. Nonetheless, those who have gathered have ranged in various intentions and actions just the same. Many are there to demand justice from law enforcement for systemic abuse of African-Americans and others are piggy-backing their own personal or ideological grievances onto a legitimate movement. Others are simply there to fuck shit up. Let’s take a look at the archetypes of attendees at the protests seen across the country.

Previously apolitical African-Americans with righteous anger and specific demands

This person is not constantly dialed into every social justice cause du jour. Yet when they become politically engaged, it is over something existential to their community. They may be students, sports fans, professionals, or mechanics, but they know when enough is enough and did not come to fuck around. They are here to add volume to the voices demanding justice and many of them will hopefully graduate to leadership. We need as many of these people as possible to become engaged.

Woke’ SJW type who discovered ‘oppression’ 6 months ago on Netflix. Loves Sleater Kinney.

This person is all style no substance. Performative, pretentious, and questionable whether this person brings any value to the table at all. Might be here for the clout and this is a great addition to currently lagging Instagram stories. The pandemic has fucked their reach on socials and they are here to carpe diem via TikTok. Nevertheless, they may be able to coax their lawyer daddy into doing some pro-bono work so keep them around for now. 

Seasoned political activist who can see the big picture

This person has struggled, studied, and dedicated themselves to this cause before most of you were a glimmer in your father’s eye. Listen closely when they speak. Heed their advice. They have their eyes on the prize and know how to get there. Neither docile or antagonistic, they know that moving beyond peaceful protest requires objectives, strategy, and organization. This is who the powers that be are most afraid of. 

‘Triple A’ dude – Anglo-Anarcho-Antifa Type

This guy and the boogaloo crowd want the same thing.

These guys might fuck it up for the rest of us. They don’t quite understand that their vandalism and skateboard smashery is exactly what law enforcement, bigots, and alt-right fuckheads want. Their recklessness in the name of ideologies they don’t quite understand very well may result in additional suffering for marginalized people they ostensibly want to help. They do not understand that capitalism hitched it’s wagon to racism not the other way around. Capitalism is a few hundred years old yet racism and state violence have been a stain on humanity for thousands of years. They are willing to fight the powers that be down to the last black man. Parents are both orthodontists and he loves the first 2 Vampire Weekend records. Feigns feminism to get laid. Likely will turn against the people he claims to fight alongside. We don’t need anymore white paramilitary organizations, thank you very much.

Stoner who can sense something is wrong in the world today and can smoke dojah in public at protests 

Moves slow and arrives late yet we can use all the people we can get. Basically harmless yet will acquiesce to both Seasoned Activist and Triple A guy depending on who gets to them first. Let’s make sure they take direction from the prior. Have these people carry water and hand out snacks. See ‘hold my blunt’ guy.

White affluent college kid with parent’s credit card and desperate need to erase white guilt

“ What can I do to help?” “ Am I helping?” “ Am I weird?” “ Anyone need hand sanitizer?” “ Am I helping?”.  Yes Caroline, you are effectively washing away your affluence, privilege, and guilt by forcing your hand sanitizer onto protestors. Now please go shield me from rubber bullets or pick up some pizza.

The Agent Provocateur

Who is this guy? Is he a cop? Is he a boogaloo dude? Is he a former cop that is now siding with protestors? There is a whole lot of this shit happening and we have yet to find out exactly what is what. Beware of this dude.

See ‘Umbrella Guy‘ ( Confronted by ‘Hold My Blunt’ guy )

The variance in motivations does not discredit this movement. The poseurs and the instigators merely need to be excised from this process. And the first part of cutting out a cancer is identifying it.

I am sure some new archetypes will spring up in the near future and we will keep you posted. These are rapidly developing as is distinctions between protesters. We suggest non-Black protestors getting out of the way, following the lad of Black people, and being VERY FUCKING CAREFUL.

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