The NYPD Cops Who Claimed Shake Shack put Bleach in their Milkshakes Were Wrong

I think Shake Shack is garbage– but that is neither here nor there.

By David Icke Turner

Early this week, 3 New York City Police officers were rushed to Bellevue Hospital believing they had bleach poisoning. They claimed an employee at Shake Shack put bleach in their milkshakes when they were not looking.

Naturally, vocal supporters of law enforcement took to social media to express their disgust and outrage. Police organizations issued statements in New York and nationwide.  The Police Benevolent Association—New York’s  largest police union—declared that law enforcement is “under attack.” Shake Shack was then attacked as complicit and negligent. An article Law Enforcement Today went as far as rebuking Shake Shack for its public support for Black Lives Matter in the weeks preceding the (non)incident.

But guess what? There was no bleach in the milkshakes. They just taste that bad on their own merit. An NYPD investigation came to the conclusion of “no criminality by Shake Shack’s employees.” There has been no evidence or poisoning with bleach though it is possible that recently cleaned machinery imbued a ‘bleachy’ taste into the shakes. 

I guess you can’t blame cops for being paranoid that people are fucking with their food. I mean, you can’t blame law enforcement for being worried. If I roamed the streets looking to ruin someone’s day, I would be suspicious of what people are doing to my meals as well. 

These cases pop up often where cops incorrectly suspect people tampering with their food order. A cop in Indianapolis claimed that a McDonald’s employee took a bite of his sandwich. Miraculously, he later remembered that he took the bite himself. 

In Florida, another paranoid cop presumed a Burger King employee put dirt in his flame-broiled Whopper. It was later determined that the ‘dirt’ was just burger seasoning.

Of course, you can not uncouple what our nation is going through from these fears police are going through. But in such times of national crisis, it is important who the real culprit is: Shake Shack. It is criminal that they put custard in their fucking milkshakes. 

Anyone who wants a real milkshake should check out Whataburger.


  • Show Comments

  • Diana Martin

    If the cops don’t like them that’s an automatic recommendation, LOL! Their shakes might not be good but it’s not because of the custard. Frozen custard means the egg yolks have been cooked with the milk and the sugar to make a “custard” before freezing it. It might be poor ingredients or a bad recipe but frozen custard makes awesome milkshakes. Rita’s Italian Ice and Frozen Custard is a good chain.

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