A Lebanese grandmother reminds us how resilience is built into Beirut’s DNA.
By Abu Khalil
Photo by Marten Bjork
Storied tales of strength and perseverance are not some distant fable of generations past for the Lebanese. If you are over 40 years old in Beirut, you have survived a brutal civil war, 2 wars against Israel, and 4 decades of assassinations, instability, and political crisis. Now they have survived the largest non-military explosion. Yet Beirutis, home and abroad, are far more inexorable than 2700 tons of ammonium nitrate. Through all of the aforementioned catastrophes, they still celebrate their city as a cut above everyone else. They have gracefully honed their obstinance over many years.
I wanted to write this love letter to my birthplace and second home yet it dawned on me that my Beiruti mother is a classic example of bull-headed resilience embodied by the Lebanese. My mother moved to the U.S. with my Iraqi born father in 1970 yet she never really left Lebanon. Beirut’s fate was always inextricably tied with my mother’s day to day. So when I texted late Friday night to write a few words for me about living as a Beiruti abroad, she texted me 1400 words by the morning. The Lebanese know not of brevity. I attempted to edit it yet realized the cadence of her individual texts was poetic. Here it is below in unedited form:
This is my story.
It took seventeen days from the day I met my husband in Beirut to the day of marriage
It was a very big wedding
In a big hotel in the mountain of Bhamdoun in Hotel al Karma
I had a dress designed by a couturier, my dress finished the last stitches the day of the wedding
When the wedding ceremony finished it was the election of a new president that day
The supporters of the president that was elected fired in the air few shots from a revolver that scared the dodoo out of us
We stayed in a small apartment
Next to the best friend Elias
Three months later I was in Houston homesick for Beirut
I use to cry daily alone no friends no telephone to call only with my thoughts all day long
Sahban helped only at night but the days were long
I had a friend only one Ms. Lager
The best lady I met in my life she was a mother to me
Oh I communicated with her by my hands I couldn’t speak a word of English
I read every news paper and translated it
I watched every episode of I love Lucy my favorite
The Three Stooges were my teacher
I remember the tears I will receive after reading the letters of my sister Lina
Mama will write few words of I love you
In the first year we went two times to Beirut that first summer I was introduced to Iraq to my father in law we became friends
I stayed many afternoon talking to him he was better talker than my husband and he will sometimes joke
Then it took me two more years before going back in the summer to Beirut and to Iraq
Sahban decided to finish his college in Baghdad
He rented a house near his sister a very nice house he furnished it and Tina was few months old five I think
George Ann was in Nasiriyah
And she stayed with us a month I remember having Thanksgiving there
Then Sam decided to go back
To America
Our belonging we always give it and we never sold anything
We rated another two years before Sam graduated in 1975
That same year in the summer in my eight month pregnancy with Kamel we came back
I was so happy
A gorgeous house my mother in law made for us
It was empty
We stayed first before the birth of Kamel in the mountain house
And the civil war erupted
We came to Beirut for the baby’s delivery we heard firearms all the way
While I was in the waiting room in the hospital fire didn’t stop
The baby was beautiful and Tina was a great sister
She protected him
We had a very young maid her name was Kamela very sweet
The civil war in Beirut escalated Sahban didn’t have a job
We were taking money from both parents
We didn’t have a car or furniture
One day there was an explosion near the house a very big one
We hid in the shelter Sahban was not with me the kids and the maid he went to get cafe
On the way after the explosion he heard a baby Kamel’s age got killed Sahban cried all the way till he saw us safe
The. He decided to go to Iraq to his sister so the war will finish we stayed in the road to Syria thirteen hours
No water on the road
Tina Kamel my mother in law and Layla in the car
Sahban was very nervous they were the Syrians in conflict with the Iraqis we had to be safe
We stayed almost a year at Sumaya’s house
We had a good time I cooked with them and did my share in cleaning the house
Sam found a job in Saudi Arabia
He stayed few months came back and got us
We came back to Beirut the civil war was little better
Sam found a job
The house inside had a bomb
I cleaned with my hands the phosphor with a maid and later we furnished a house after the furniture was burned twice in it
Life was good and suddenly Sam decided after visiting Houston for medical problem to go back to America
We sold the house and gave everything else in less than a month we were in Houston with the help of his best friend Bashir
We came on a student visa
We had money Sahban for eight months didn’t have a job
Then we bought a house
The civil war came back to Beirut
No telephone lines
Two hours to call and reach them
Israel invaded Lebanon
Sabra and Shatila the massacre
Beirut without food
My brother got injured
Big bomb hit our building
Mama and the family lived in the shelter
But all the time my family are together
Tears and tears were my friends
My telephone bill was three hundred dollars
I had to find a job
Our green card ordeal we have to go to Greece
We left Tina for a month almost with my brother in law
Tension tears Sahban the strongest man was very nervous that was 1986
The civil was still it was the Syrian occupation of Beirut
Thank God we got our green card
I missed my mom I had to go to Beirut
Sam and the boys went back to Houston
I went to Beirut for two weeks
It was dark no electricity
The Syrians army greeted us with their arms pointed at us
It was humiliated
Another three years before I came again always by myself
Sahban didn’t want the kids to be in the war
I visited them at least three times in the war
1991 the civil war stopped
Hariri Rafik had a plan to rebuild the downtown
Mama was so happy Rafik Hariri is cleaning Beirut
He gave many children’s scholarship for education
To go abroad
He is the hero of the Middle East strong man reliable
He stood for Lebanon
In the war if 2006 Israel bombed beirut Hizbollah fought and Israel retreated after the world told her so but they destroyed a lot and Iran rebuild the south and gave more power to Hizbollah
In Houston I prayed and cried and begged God for the victory for the Hezbollah
And now
I was in 2019 in Beirut
I stayed in Montana’s building for the first time in my house
I stayed four months four beautiful months but in this period I noticed how bad the situation in Lebanon
I am use to eat the best fruits in my country
I saw fruits that didn’t belong to lebanon sold in the supermarket
The Lebanese produce were shipped were to ?
Nobody knows
Nothing was right
The streets to the beach, Corniche dirty
I witnessed chaos on the streets people without jobs
Young poeople finishing from the best universities and nothing available for them
Came back to Houston
In September
In February the world biggest virus
Quarantine all over the world
In November 17 the starting of the Lebanese revolution
All of them all of them in the government should leave
Hariri stepping down
Later they put Hassan Diab they made him so clever and they tried to select a technocrat government mostly women’s for the first time
But Hizbollah was there on top of them
No decision positive was made
People demanded the resignation of the new government
The president is sleeping
No electricity in Beirut
Then no flour for few days
I live here but my soul lives there
And now the explosion
They made the people of Lebanon endure in one night a whole war almost an atomic bomb
No house was safe including my house but who cares my family was ok
The fears anxiety that I endured from the separation from my family at a young age and the war in Lebanon created who I am now
Hypochondriac anxious and sad I didn’t stop crying for few days my stomach is hurting and my knees
It’s sad to demolish a whole country and to demolish even the Lebanese outside Lebanon
After 71 years I am still in love with Lebanon
This love is in my blood
And it’s inserted so deep with the greeting of my mama
Iss3idd sabaho Ammoula
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